Can we get closure when we've never gotten "closure"?

Closure means finality; a letting go of what once was. Finding closure implies a complete acceptance of what has happened and an honoring of the transition away from what's finished to something new. In other words, closure describes the ability to go beyond imposed limitations in order to find different possibilities. (According to Psychology Today)

I've been wanting to write about the concept of closure for some time now. Instinctively, my answer is YES to the question at hand...I don't need a conversation, an apology or an understanding to move on. According to the definition above, closure comes from within, not something we need to obtain from someone else in order to move on. But damn it, sometimes certain situations/emotions reemerge no matter how much we work through the logic in our own head and think we've gotten to other side. Is it just me? Would the conversation I desire actually make it better, make the stubborn thoughts go away?

My friend, who's a counselor, tells me closure doesn't really exist. Difficult experiences/emotions tend to circle back to our consciousness and that's just life. I know closure exists! I've been through some (major!) shit in this life and I can say with full certainty these experiences don't affect me in any negative way today. I don't have anger/sadness, I don't have regret, I don't even feel like the same human being as when these experiences occurred. I respectfully disagree with that statement. But what if I never got to say what I feel needed to be said to this person, hear what I needed to hear or get that last hug that I long for, that, in the past, literally changed the vibration of my cells.

Writing this, I can clearly see that I don't have the full closure I seek. And I don't believe a conversation or a hug would make it all magically go away. If it comes, it will have to come from within, but trust me when I tell you I've been doing the work for some time now to "move past this". I don't dwell. I don't stalk his social media (besides a couple of weak moments over the years lol). I can say, today, I truly love myself and don't need anyone to affirm my worth. Yet...

Yet, every few months or so...I remember. I miss him. I miss his friendship. I miss the way he saw me, like "saw" me. I realize it's a pointless endeavor and I choose, instead, to bless him and his beautiful family. Then, sometimes, I move my memory to the yucky stuff. I force myself to think of how vulnerable and insecure I felt during that time. Then I thank him, truly thank him, for changing the course of my life. I wouldn't be who I am today without our paths crossing, so for that, I'm grateful. I'm stronger, wiser and know my worth with every fiber of my being. If I met him now, I wouldn't continue talking to him the first time he blew me off and I sure as hell wouldn't beg for his attention like a freaking Labrador puppy!

So why is it this keeps resurfacing? I am happy for him, that's not a lie. I actually couldn't be more happy for him. Do I want him? No, I wouldn't want a relationship with him. Then what is it? I miss learning from him. He was like a mirror for me and I was forced to face myself. I guess that's what's happening now, except without his presence in my life. We always have a little bit more growing to do so I say...closure, no closure, f*** it, it doesn't matter. What matters is we gain from our experiences and maybe it's okay to never have the opportunity to get the "closure" we/I desire. Maybe I will actually gain more insight without a proper goodbye and a proper hug. Maybe it's even okay if I miss him every now and again.

Good-bye my friend.