DEAR NURSING HOME STAFF...

I worked as a nurse in a nursing home for a year. Almost daily, I wanted to curl up in the fetal position by the time I was off work. It killed me to see all of these miraculously unique lives wrapping up semi-anonymously. I couldn’t believe that so many lives end up alone. Where are their families? Who are they, besides a name in a chart? What did they do? Who did they touch? Well, me, that’s certain. I wanted to know more. I wanted to see them for who they used to be before their bodies and minds turned on themselves.

Not surprisingly, I saw the bottom line run the nursing home. I saw a new generation of people hold very little regard for our elders. I also saw glimmers of beautifully compassionate souls, minimally paid, for emotionally exhausting, backbreaking work. Every life deserves respect and remembrance. Even the most challenging or seemingly hopeless lives are full of value and worthiness, intrinsically. We have no clue what people have had to endure to get to where they are. Jesus said, “With all humility and gentleness, bearing with each other in love…” Eph 4:2.

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Dear Nursing Home Staff,

What do you see when you look at me? Saggy body, wrinkled face, dull eyes? I’m not much for conversation anymore and I’m too forgetful and weary to enforce many boundaries. You change my diaper (sorry, my brief) by tossing me from side to side, no words, no eye contact. My painful groans ignored. You feed me like I’m not even there while texting or talking loudly to your coworkers right through me. Although I realize this is just a job to many of you, I’d like to kindly remind you that I am an actual person, a valuable human being, who lived an exquisite life.

You’re not that far from being in my shoes, yet no matter how many times you’re reminded of your own mortality, daily, it will probably only minimally change the way you live, the way you treat me, yourself, others. I’m not trying to insult you, but I see it and I've been there.

I’m writing you because this is my last known phase of existence on this magical planet and I’d like to be seen as the sum of my life, not just what meets your eyes. I’d like to be treated with simple kindness and respect, not because I lived a perfect life, but because I lived life.

Life is divine from beginning to end thanks to our collective humanity. Sometimes we need to be reminded of the brilliance of humanity, even the less attractive parts.

FB post 2018:

I’ve been an over-achiever and a drop out, humble and just plain cocky and pretentious, bursting with life and praying for death. My hands have done things that make me want knew ones. I’ve been dense and had amazing revelation. I’ve been driven to succeed and tired of everything. I’ve been wealthy and poor and I’ve seen poor that makes our poor seem rich. I’ve seen the face of God in people who live in dirt. I’ve been beaten physically and emotionally by others and most harshly by myself. I’ve created life and taken precious life. I’ve loved many who couldn’t love them selves, let alone me. I’ve been relentlessly stubborn and beautifully accepting. I’ve been sought after and painfully rejected. I’ve traveled to many places on Earth and run out of gas in my own town. I’ve taken risks and lost…but it’s all GAIN! We are all worthy of our own love and respect and God’s beauty is in EVERY SINGLE SOUL on this planet.

Here’s to living.

Sincerely and Respectfully,

Katja